Freewrite: Because I Do Not Want To Study, I Think Too Much

I do not know where I am.
Without a map, the X’s are everywhere.
Under my feet, I feel the motion of the world spinning but I am still
Where I was two weeks ago.

Maybe it’s because I am a man,
I do not ask for directions.
Maybe it’s buried deeper than that:
My stubbornness and arrogance as a child.
Lying to myself
Day after day I’m lost because I know
My heart is too fragile,

But maybe this is what I need.

To be smacked so hard
I swerve off course
So I can rediscover all the ways back,
The lefts, the rights, and the missed turns.

But even then,
Will I know where I am?

Should I continue forward,
Switch to reverse or
Stop?

Perhaps I think too much and should just go,
But something’s signaling me
I’ve been here before.

- Eddy M. Gana Jr.